Chickafinty ~ A Life in the Laundry

One thing worth listening to

In the the upset that the doctor caused last week, onle tiny thing that he said kind of got lost.  It was the most worthwhile thing that he said in the whole visit.  He said I have to stop the "all or nothing" mentality that drives most of what I do.

He's got a point.

I do have an all or nothing mentality.  If I can't do *all* the house and get *all* the house perfect, I won't even try.  If I fall off the diet wagon, then I may as well just lie by the side of the road and stuff my face with anything edible cos it's all ruined.  If I can't find half an hour to study something in the Bible, then I won't study it at all because near enough is not good enough; it's all or nothing.  Mostly, it seems, it's nothing.

Today is my first opportunity to try out a new way of thinking.

Yesterday we had a guest to dinner - a colleague of Mister Bear.  I have never in my life provided a meal for a guest and not also provided a dessert.  Last night I got a an apple and sultana strudel.  As it turned out we didn't get to have it for dessert as both Mister Bear and his colleague had a seminar to go to.  When Mister Bear got home the four of us had the dessert (of course).

Ok.

So I had a slice of strudel.

Did it cause major damage to the diet?  No.  I am 200g up on yesterday, but 200g is nothing.  I have lost 2kg since starting, so I am still 2kg ahead of where I was this time last week.  That's a positive.

Will I have dessert today?  No.  I won't.  

I will probably have something not on the diet though as we are going to a wedding tonight.  Will that be the end of the world?  No.  It won't. 

Will I be back on the diet wagon tomorrow?  You bet!

Will I weigh less at the weigh-in on Sunday?  Yes, indeedy.  Probably in the 2-3kg range (gotta be happy with that!)

Do I feel better than I did this time last week?  Yes.  I do.

Will I go to the gym again this week?  In all probability, yes.  One 500 calorie workout will pretty much erase the strudel.

Does it have to be all or nothing?  No, it doesn't.  Sometimes the best you can do is the best.

My new mantra is "it's not for ever; it's just for now".

Nor is it all or nothing...sometimes it's something.

I have to find that happy place in the middle and be content with that.

QotD

Is this going to become another boring weightloss blog?

Probably.

At least for a while as we all adjust to this new way of being.

We're at Day 2 and I am not feeling too bad.  I was poking around on the Tony Ferguson forums today and was inspired by all the stories of people who have lost huge amounts of weight...over 50 kilograms some of them.  Makes me believe that I really can do this.  It will take a long time, but just maybe I can find the resources from deep within somewhere and actually reach a goal.  More than anything I am frightened of failing.  My life has been one long, long trail of weightloss failures except for one breif success in 1994.  I got under 60kg in 1994 and looked and felt fantastic.  The weight all came back of course, most of it after I got married and then there were the kids and then I turned 40 and started a new med.  Each stage of life seemed to add a few more kilos.

If I am being realistic, under 60kg is not going to happen.  Once upon a time I wouldn't have been satisfied with anything less.  Now my main goal is to fit back into the clothes I have in the wardrobe and which I love.  That puts me at a size 14-16 and I would be happy with that.  Obviously a 14 would be better, but 16 will do.  That means a loss of 20 kilos from where I am now.  When I reach that goal we'll talk more about where to go from there.  There just seems so impossibly far.

A quick word to one of my readers...you'll know who you are :)  Thank you for that email last night.  It lifted my spirits to know that you care and thank you for your wise and kind words.  There's an email heading in your direction too, but I wanted to say a public thank you - it meant a lot :)

 

Onwards, ever onwards

So the black lifted.  It lifted suddenly, some time around the composing of the previous post.  I don't know why it did; it just did.

Yesterday I couldn't control anything.  Today I am back in control.  Go figure.

Yesterday Mister Bear and I shuffled off to the pharmacy for the Tony Ferguson Mark 4.

Why are we doing this again?  A multitude of reasons first and foremost being that my new med has pushed me over the edge.  In seven months I have gained a stone, lost all the headway I had made and now am one BMI point away from qualifying for lapband surgery.  I am also no longer a size 20, and I need help putting my own shoes on.  I am one size away from not fitting into anything at Millers.  I am officially, unequivocally and profoundly, fat.  No two ways about it.  I am the fat chick.  My body is getting in the way of everything I want to do because there is just so freaking much of it.

I have to lose not 10 kilos, not 20 kilos, but an impossible totally-freaking-me-out 40 kilos.  Yes, I know I am putting the kybosh on it by saying it is impossible already, but seriously?!  40 kilograms?!  Yeah, darn tootin' it's impossible.  I also have to lose one-third of the circumference of my tummy.  Not "a few centimetres" One. Third.  That is an impossibly large number.

So why, exactly, are we doing this again?  Because we know it works.  Because we know we can do it.  Because it is not forever, it's just for now.  Because I don't have to lose the 40 kilograms all at once.  By this time next week it could be down to 38 kilograms. And then in a few weeks it will be only 30 and so on. Because if I don't do anything I'll be in triple figures by Christmas and that is a place I really don't want to go.  At my height I can't afford to.

This time, we have a plan.  We have both determined an interim goal weight.  We plan to stay on the Tony Ferguson until we reach that goal.  From there we will switch to Weight Watchers, slowly returning to a normal diet while (hopefully) watching the weight fall off.  I will return to thrice weekly gym visits, and then add in walking once my weight has dropped enough for walking to be a possibility.  My feet are overstrained at having to carry so much weight all the time and if I walk any more than a few hundred metres they cramp up painfully.  Pathetic to admit, but there you go; they do.  I can manage to the end of the street and back, but any further than that and I am in mass pain. With any luck the gym visits will also address the heart rate issue and I will stop freaking the girls out completely every time I go.

They have a promotion going at the Pharmacy.  For every $50 you spend you get a charm for the bracelet they give you when you sign up.  I'm wearing the bracelet on my left wrist.  It's only got one charm on it - the one I got yesterday.  But every time I look at the little teddy bear (of course I got a teddy bear!) it's reminder of why I am on this journey and what I stand to gain when I succeed.

 

Oh, my aching shins!

I've been out walking with the kids every day for over a week, but apparently I have been overdoing it.  I have flat feet which can make walking uncomfortable at the best of times and sheer agony at the worst.  The sheer agony bit reached a peak on Wednesday when I was actually crying on the walk from the pain (yes, it was that bad).  At one point my legs gave way and I almost ended up doing a beached whale impersonation by the side of the road.  Not a good look.  The kids and I managed to stumble home, and after about an hour and a couple of Panadol I was able to walk again.

It seems the culprit is speed.  If I walk fast, I can manage about 500m before the pain begins.  If I hold the pace down, I can manage more than a kilometer before the shins and heels begin to bite.

So, what's best?  Powering it out for a kilometer and losing control of my lower limbs whilst experiencing mass pain, or steady pace for a couple of kilometers?

Make one change

Another spirit-crushing weigh in at the gym.  Five months of hard work for the loss of 100g.

I've decided to borrow an idea from a chick who's been on ACA having lost half her body weight.  Can't remember her name or the name of her book, but apparently she achieved her goal by making one change to her life at a time.

I'm going to make one change this week: increase water intake.  I read somewhere that you need to drink half your body weight in fluid ounces just to maintain situation normal.

For me that works out at 1.3L.

So, this week, every day I will drink at least 1.3L of water and at the end of the week we'll see what, if any. changes have resulted.

It gives me great pleasure to announce

that the category under which this is filed is absolutely true.

I am *not* a size 20 anymore. 

In fact, yesterday I wore size 16 pants.

No word of a lie.

Want to know how??  Email me for my private blog.

Dot Point

• school going well, especially in the reading department

• have too many books on my "must read aloud to the kids" list...at this rate I'll still be reading out loud when they're grown-ups.

• the laundry is (partly) under control

• the ironing is not

• neither is the folding

• I don't want to be 40 and fat.  I've got 13 months to do something about it.

• am supposed to be getting a new outfit for a wedding in 9 days time...am not feeling strong enough at the moment to cope with changeroom mirrors

• can't work out when I began the slide from slightly untidy to Stage One in three rooms and stage 2 in one room (yes, it's cryptic, no, I'm not going to explain)

• have come to a sudden realisation that this is NOT normal.  So how come it's acceptable.

• I need to stop whining and do something about it.

• The computer needs to go off for a season

Announcement

I have lost a kilo in a week.

Not earth shattering news I know.  But it was the way that I lost it that's worthy of mention.

For about 5 days I have concentrated on not being greedy, greed=anything over and above what is actually needed.

So, one sausage instead of 2 ot 3 at dinner.  One biscuit at afternoon tea, not 3 or four or a handful <insert blush>

One piece of pizza at the Girls' Night Out as I had already had a few bits and pieces to eat and I really wanted to get the layout finished.

It's been painless.  No deprivation, no feeling left out, no misery but a kilo loss to show for it.

I think it is definitely worth a mention.

And so it begins

It being this.  I have the beginnings of a monumental headache dancing about at the edge of my brain.  It's just a case of getting through the next 48 hours and all will be well.

Diet

is going well.  This is the sixth day and I have lost to date:  3.2kg or 7 pounds.  Mister Bear has lost 2kg.  Can I please have it on record that for the first time ever, I have outstripped Mister Bear.  I am allowed to jubilate cos it's only temporary.  As soon as Mister Bear is vertical again, he's going to overtake big time.

At this rate I'll be into my patchwork skirts by the end of week after next.  That's 16 days and I can't wait.